Routines

This past week at our MOPS meeting we had a speaker talk to us about routines/schedules.  She is a mother of twin boys and a girl.  Hence, she has credibility when it comes to talking about how to keep your home in order with regards to children.

Her thing is to post large poster boards around the house with routines/schedules written out in simplified short phrases or even just pictures for younger children.

ie: 

Morning Routine

Make Bed

Brush teeth

Get dressed

Comb hair

Get ready for breakfast

Some mothers in our group were not at a place where they felt the need for these posters or their children were too young (or perhaps they just have freakishly well-trained children who aren't in need of reminders).  But, for most of the moms in my group, they could agree that they desired some variation of this and had tried something as far as chore charts/behavior modification goes in their homes.  Some had found success in what they were doing while others like myself were still searching for something that would work.

I basically came to the decision to give these posters a try the other day out of complete and utter desperation!  I had to explain to the girls who are now 6 (going on 7), and 3 (going on 4), that MOM NEEDS HELP!!!!  Sounds desperate, eh?  

Exactly.

Well, see I have trained my children up to think that mom does EVERYTHING.  Oh, just leave that on the floor mom will pick it up.  Just kick your shoes off wherever and throw your coat where it lands, mom will put it where it belongs.  Just eat, make a huge mess and leave the table because we know mom will clear the table, seriously I could go on and on.  I do assume full responsibility here.  So, I finally hit a low-point last week when it became so painfully obvious that something needed to change.  You know the definition of insanity, right?  Doing the same things over and over expecting different results.  Umm, hmph.

See I have expectations for my children in my head and I vocalize them regularly- usually in a voice sounding much like a high-pitched screech with a hint of desperation.  Please clean-up your room!  Please put your clothes in the hamper!  Would you please....!

Well, now I no longer have to screech/scream/threaten/plead___________ because we have routines/expectations clearly defined and posted on 4 BIG white poster-boards around the house titled: morning routine, after-meal routine, after-school routine, and bedtime routine.  Already it has been working even after the initial begrudging remarks, "I don't like these routines."  Now, they are having fun with it.  Because, TA-DA it makes life easier on everyone!

What helps make it fun is the reward.  When I see one of them doing something that I like as far as following routines or good behavior or a willingness to help, I put a pumpkin or piece of candy in the jar.  When that really LARGE Ball jar gets filled to the top then we will do something fun together as a family.

See, the whole jar/rewards thing is not an individual thing, it is a family thing.  If we all work together then we all get to celebrate together.

I used this analogy for the girls.  Think about playing soccer on a team and only 1 person is trying to win the game ALL by herself.  While her teammates are sitting around picking grass.  How successful will that 1 person be?  Then I answer that for them by explaining that, that "1" person trying to win the game ALL BY HERSELF, is mom.  What happens when mom is the only one trying to win the game for the team-- is that mom gets burned out, gets really crabby, she yells, and it sounds nasty.  So, if you don't want mom to be crabby, and screaming, and pulling her hair out, then we all need to work together, as a team.  Capice?

Epiphany, right?  

Well, I'm only about 7 years into this whole parenting gig...

The whole point of sharing this is to enlighten perhaps, or encourage, or just to make you laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.  This is what I love about reading blogs and/or hearing people talk about what is working for them in the midst of struggles.  Not to compare myself but to say, yeah, I need to do something like that because what I'm doing isn't working.

Maybe you'll agree.